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1:5 – A Monster’s Scent! Chanela Steals Love

Alternative Title: Usagi’s Little-Turd-Of A-Brother Is Also A Complete Pussy

First Aired: 11th April 1992

Episode5b

Usagi’s little brother is terrified of cats, which is unfortunate since Luna has been accepted into the home by the rest of the family. Luna tries her best to ingratiate herself with the nasty little squirt, but things become worse when Shingo buys a new pet – Chanela – which proceeds to hypnotise him and suck out his energy. You know, the usual stuff. Usagi is disturbed by Shingo’s new hobby of aggressively staring at his smelly rabbit thing and goes to kick some Dark Kingdom ass as the protective older sister she rarely is.

This is the first full episode of Sailor Moon animated by the B-Grade Studio, and you know what? It’s not so bad. The simpler drawing style actually lends itself to the more comedic moments, and there are quite a few of them in this episode.

Usagi is having a nightmare. It’s causing her to chew her duvet in anxiety, (that’s diagnosable, surely). Thankfully the shadows chasing her are dispelled by the dream Tuxedo Kamen, but before Usagi can consumate their unconcious relationship, her douche-bag brother’s screams rudely rend her pre-breakfast romantic tryst asunder. As it turns out, Shingo is just terrified of cats. Usagi does the only smart thing and shamelessly uses his deepest fear for her amusement.

All people with older siblings are having post-traumatic flashbacks right now

All people with older siblings are having post-traumatic flashbacks right now

Too bad for Shingo, Usagi’s parents say it’s OK for Luna to stay.

Usagi reveals to Naru-chan the event that caused Shingo’s deep-seated emotional problems which manifests itself as a phobia of cats (ailurophobia, for any of you keeping track) – apparently a cat bit him on the nose when he was a baby. I myself have a similar relationship to feet, so I suppose I shouldn’t blame him.

Usagi urges Luna to make friends with Shingo. To me this sounds completely pointless, I’d suggest smothering him in his sleep, it would frankly be an unkindness to let him live with that Chronic Cowardice Syndrome he suffers from. Luna is far less enthusiastic about euthanasia than I, so she goes to pick up pointers at the pet store.

Her new tactic appears to be actively trying to murder him to gain his love. I approve.

FINISH HIM

Come on Luna, go for the throat

After Shingo gets the hell away from Luna’s clumsy advances, he goes to the pet store (spoiler: IT’S AN EVIL PET STORE) with a classmate, intending to find the perfect pet for him. The two are in their less than 15 seconds before both are hypnotised by Chanelas, weird rabbit-things which apparently smell really, really nice, hence the name.

Incidently, the whole perfume thing is completely superfluous – the evil fluffy fuckers hypnotise their victims by making eye-contact. Maybe the writers wanted to make a pun on the word Chanel and couldn’t fit it in any other episode?

Shingo has now turned into a complete freak. He ignores a stray puppy on the street (honestly I would as well – it totally had ticks), and then just to cement the fact that he’s the consumate knob, Shingo KICKS Luna. I mean, honestly, WHAT A KNOB.

I don't care how hypnotised he is, that kid is going to BURN

I don’t care how hypnotised he is, that kid is going to BURN

Whereas previous shows attempted to tackle social issues (weight-loss, jewelry, uh… sexual assault…?), this one doesn’t seem to have any overriding moral tale to it, except perhaps “don’t be mean to animals” or “you probably shouldn’t hit your brother, no matter how much they deserve it”.

Anyway, Shingo is now spending all his time in his room, refusing to go to school, just stroking his rabbit all the live-long day. In most kids, this would be a sure sign that puberty just hit.

What people did before the internet

What people did before the internet

After witnessing her fellow classmates expressing worryingly disturbed behaviour over their Chanelas (poor Miss Sakurada get’s attacked in the classroom yet again. She needs to change jobs), Usagi tries thinking for once, and showing a level of initiative never yet seen goes to investigate the evil pet shop.

Usagi is barely in the shop longer than Shingo was before she ends up buying a Chanela. She turns rather nasty towards Luna, and the cat is forced to snatch the Chanela out of her hands. She momentarly dissapears with the rabbit in her mouth – we can safely assume she murdered the fuck out of it. That’s cold, Luna.

Usagi confronts Shingo. He’s not looking so hot, but Usagi’s compassion extends only far enough to smack him in the face. It should be a shocking moment of sibling abuse, but it’s actually pretty hilarious for some reason.

Shingo runs off to the pet store, to do the bidding of the evil pet shop owner. She reveals her true monstrous form as a large blue lizard lady and sets a gaggle of hypnotised townsfolk upon Sailor Moon, including Shingo. Oh yeah, also they’re lizard people now. Cool.

...she's still kind of hot

…she’s still kind of hot

Sailor Moon hopefully notes that at this point Tuxedo Kamen usually busts in and saves the day, but her top-hatted love fails to appear. Sailor Moon refuses to slaughter the hypnotised crowd (which sounds to me like WEAKNESS), and Luna suggests using the Moon Deus Ex Machina, aka Moon Tiara Stardust, which helpfully unlizardafies the angry mob.

It's like a scene out of The Amazing Spider-Man, except better animated

It’s like a scene out of The Amazing Spider-Man, except better animated

The final confrontation between Sailor Moon and the lizard monster is hilarious – Iguara (for that is her name) has Sailor Moon by the throat when the base of the monsters tail helpfully glows, just like a computer game. How thoughtful of the Dark Kingdom to install weak points in all its monsters!

"A flying tiara in my glowing spot at the base of my tail! My ONE WEAKNESS!"

“A flying tiara thrown at the glowing spot at the base of my tail! My ONE WEAKNESS!”

Anyway, monster = dead, all the innocent Chanelas = dead, and Shingo runs after Sailor Moon like a shrieking fanboy, under the impression that she is Sailor V. Affronted, Sailor Moon corrects him, but Shingo replies that he doesn’t care since “she’s cute” and after Sailor Moon wipes the vomit off her outfit from the suggested incest, she orders Shingo to be nice to Luna from now on lest she break his legs.

That’s one way to solve animal abuse I suppose.

Episode Score: 3/5

Monster Freakishness Level: 2/5 (Ehhhh it’s kind scary if you don’t like lizards)

Shingo Douche-Level: 86%

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