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2:1 – Moon Revived! The Mysterious Aliens Appear

Alternative Title: Happier Being Stupid

First Aired: 6th March 1993

1-19

 

It’s been two months since Sailor Moon and the Senshi died fighting Queen Beryl, and all are blissfully unaware, their reincarnation wiping all memory of the sad events. Usagi is perfectly happy living the life of an ordinary girl, but this is all coming to an end as two aliens appear on Earth to suck energy from random people. Luna and Artemis try to keep Usagi from being wrapped up in this new affair, but, alas, Sailor Moon is needed, willing or not.

Goddamn, I nailed that synopsis.

Welcome back! How will the Sailor Senshi find themselves once again fighting the forces of evil? You’ve been dying to know in the gap between the first and second season, surely. Considering the heights of perfection that the last 15 or so episodes of Sailor Moon season 1 reached, you might be ready for the show to carry that momentum straight on through!

It doesn’t so much. This isn’t a bad episode by all means, but it’s one of those animated and written by the less-talented production team. Since this is such an important episode, this decision baffles me, but it’s still heart-warming to Usagi back sporting the tiara once more.

But first, toast

But first, toast

The second seasons starts off very much like the first – Usagi is late for school. This is establishing the normality of her life. She begins crying as soon as she falls over and picks silly fights with her brother Shingo (the little moist turd). It’s a stark reminder of how far Usagi’s character developed in the last series.

She’s rather annoying here if I’m honest, but hey, let’s give her some room to warm up.

Luna and Artemis are happily watching Usagi’s normal life. Artemis leans in on Luna at the end of the scene, suggesting they get it on (puke), but Luna *correctly* responds by tearing Artemis’ face into ribbons.

The scene-setting of Usagi’s everyday life continues at school, where Usagi is forced to stand outside the classroom for being late, with a bucket of water balanced precariously on her head. This is rather cruel of Miss Sakurada don’t you think?

Seriously, it's 1993, invest in a fire extinguisher

Seriously, it’s 1993, invest in a fire extinguisher

Ami, popping out of her class, takes pity on Usagi and wipes her brow. They vaguely recognise each other from around school, but it’s strange and sad to see these characters so aloof and alien around each other. Nice touch.

The scene ends with Usagi accidently up-ending the water bucket onto Miss Sakurada, which she completely deserved for physically torturing a student with such a low IQ it could be counted as mental illness.

That night (I presume, I really have no idea), Usagi and Luna are awoken by a bright light and a loud impact. Interesting to note that Luna has continued living with Usagi as a pet, even though the former has no idea that the latter can even talk.

"Hey, did you hear that?" "Sounded like a bomb." "Let's go check it out, there might be more bombs."

“Hey, did you hear that?”
“Sounded like a bomb.”
“Let’s go directly where it exploded, that will be nice and safe.”

The impact, as it turns out, was from a giant green meteorite/testicle thing, which leaves a large crater. The gross-ass space bogie then flies up, finds an empty apartment that it likes the look of, and gets all snuggly inside, flipping through the IKEA catalogue,

This gross gooey dude egg has discerning taste

This gross gooey dude egg has discerning taste

The entire neighborhood leaves their houses to investigate the impact site, which is weird. If there was a giant explosion around where I lived everyone would stay inside and lock the doors.

In the busy crowd are Rei, Minako, Ami, Makoto and Usagi. What a coincidence! Usagi bumps into the two from her school, Ami and Makoto and, although none are well-acquainted anymore (super depressing), the three seem to feel strangely nostalgic…

That guy in that back  is totally farting

That guy on the left is totally farting

This moment is ruined by Usagi picking up a bit of crap off the floor advertising a sale on sweets. Her squeals of delight are picked up by a nosing Mamoru (yaaay. I guess?) who goes straight into dick-mode. Their old enmity is back. It’s a little sad, considering all they went through, and not a great scene.

Ugh, after all we went though to make you tolerable, you end up being a douche again

Ugh, after all we went though to make you tolerable, you end up being a douche again

We’re next introduced to the Big Bads of this mini-arc, the alien couple Ali and En (GENIUS NAMES GUYS). They’re pretty funky looking, as though Saved By The Bell puked clothes directly onto their hot bods. They’re in love (apparently, we’ll see…) and are all ready to start attacking humans.

"What luck that we found a planet where the native dominant life form is morphologically identical to us"

“What luck that we found a planet where the native dominant life form is morphologically identical to us”

When Ali, the guy, starts playing some crappy Space-Flute, you can tell they’re not going to be at all engaging as the Dark Kingdom.

The two disguise themselves as humans – poorly. They look a bit weird. Much prefer their look as aliens. Anyway, they join Juban High School (what – are – the – odds?) as Seijuro and Natsumi Ginga, which are ridiculously spacey-names in Japanese.

Not entirely sure why, but they joined up as brother and sister, even though they’re not. Maybe this is to spice up their waning sex life? Bringing in an element of the taboo? Whatever, it’s gross and makes no sense, but I’m rolling with it. The story is progressing fine so far, even if the scenes with Usagi are a bit flat.

Both new students are seen as cool and interesting (they’re not). Natsumi has apparently told people that she’s recently come back from abroad with excellent English. She knows the words “yes” (poorly pronounced) and “Fera fera, fera fera fera”, which I’m not sure is one or five words.

"Someone call an ambulance, I think she's having a stroke."

“Someone call an ambulance, I think she’s having a stroke.”

Seijuro is just as bad, playing his stupid flute for all the girls. This guy likes attention. Natsumi doesn’t seem to happy about this, for understandable reasons.

Seijuro stops playing when he notices Usagi, however, and instantly falls in love. That was quick, get to know her first. Also, dump your girlfriend-sister too. It’s pretty funny seeing him get caught in the act of trying to chat up Usagi though.

Because women instantly fall for men with creepy eyes licking a flute

Because women instantly fall for men with creepy eyes licking a flute

Natsumi isn’t much better – on the way home, she spots Mamoru (WHAT ARE THE ODDS?) and instantly falls in love with him (WHAT – ARE – THE – ODDS?), but collapses as she tries to stalk him. She must have diabetes or something.

"Need... Snickers... where's my goddamn... Snickers..."

“Need… Kitkat… where’s my goddamn… Kitkat…”

That night, Usagi is on the phone to Naru, talking about how amazing and pretty she must be to have Seijuro fall in love with her. She’s never more annoying than in this scene, but at least Luna agrees.

This brings up a wee point I’d like for you to consider – Usagi doesn’t know at this point that Luna has consciousness. She’s probably done all sorts of creepy shit, like waxing her jugs (girls do that right?) right in front of the cat. Poor Luna.

1993 and this chick's got a cordless phone in her room!?

1993 and this chick’s got a cordless phone in her room!?

Over in the aliens’ apartment, in a side room, is a massive fucking tree. I guess we found out what was in that green testicle.

Ali gets the big old gnarled ugly ass tree to squirt out a horrible bead of energy to revive En. As it turns out, the two are dependent on the tree, and energy, to live. This makes their subsequent decision to suck energy from humans a necessity to survive. Not so evil eh?

"We have no other choice, are not particularly malevolent and are, in fact, rather moronic. We'll make excellent bad guys."

“We have no other choice, are not particularly malevolent and are, in fact, rather moronic. We’ll make excellent bad guys.”

As the tree begins to wither, the aliens discus all the energy on Earth, but decide to target humans specifically, because seriously fuck those humans, and send out a monster called Vampire. This should look awesome, right!?

Um...

Um… no.

Vampire starts randomly stealing energy, and Luna and Artemis consider awakening Sailor Moon. Luna’s against it, considering how happy (and stupid) Usagi has been without the burden of late.

But then Vampire attacks Naru.

"I get the strangest feeling.. as though this has happened before... a dozen times or so..."

“I get the strangest feeling.. as though this has happened before… a dozen times or so…”

Luna’s bewilderment at how often a single person can get attacked by monsters is hilarious.

The cats attempt to take on the monster, but they’re only fucking cats so they don’t do much good.

But Usagi burst through the door! Apparently, she managed to get dressed and run all the way to Naru’s house in about 10 seconds, but hey, we’ll just step around that plot hole.

Luna tells Usagi to run, which freaks her out because a goddamn cat is TALKING, but this convinces Usagi that she must be dreaming. This is a bad thing – she assumes that she’s invincible (uh oh), gives a Punish You! spiel and seems ready to attack Vampire as a human.

Don't worry, she'll do fine as a human, she's got a switchblade hidden in her sock

Don’t worry, she’ll do fine as a human, she’s got a switchblade hidden in her sock

Good move, Luna.

Usagi is immediately drained of her energy, and, as Artemis leads the creature outside, Luna is left with no choice but to revive Sailor Moon. I liked how much it cost Luna to do it.

It took the power of death and the Silver Crystal to seal everyone's memories away, and 2 seconds of cat torch to bring them all back

It took the power of death and the Silver Crystal to seal everyone’s memories away, and 2 seconds of cat torch to bring them all back

The memories that flood back to Usagi aren’t of making friends, of the good times, but of Mamoru dying, of her friends dying, of herself dying in the fight against Queen Beryl. As it happens, she seems to be completely miserable at having her memories back. I really felt for her here.

This theme of being a reluctant hero is done really well here, espcially as she sadly says “At least I get to talk to you again, Luna.

Aww…

But enough angst, we've got fucking Sailor Moon back!

But enough angst, we’ve got Sailor Moon back!

Sailor Moon is completely rubbish against Vampire, but at least she does better than Artemis. As much as I dislike the little bastard, he’s got guts.

Sailor Moon is only saved from being eaten by Vampire’s arm-flower-mouth-thing from a furiously bitey Luna. Yaaay Luna!

OH GOD IT'S HORRIFYING

OH GOD IT’S HORRIFYING

Luna clearly could have handled this joker by herself

Luna clearly could have handled this joker by herself

It’s a Moon Tiara Action that finishes the monster off. That’s proper old-school, we haven’t seen it as a finishing move in so long! Vampire gives a final “Cleeeeeansing!” as it dies, which is nice.

An image of Ali and En give a quick threat to Sailor Moon before they bugger off (Downton Abbey is on or something), and the new danger is established.

The episode ends with Sailor Moon staring sadly up at the moon. The last line of the episode is actually heart-breaking:

“To the ordinary Usagi… bye-bye…”

"...also, remember to pick up tampons."

“…also, remember to pick up tampons.”

Ahhhhh she’ll get over it. Although that takes anther 4 episodes.

All in all, a watchable episode, if not nearly as enthralling as one would have thought the revival of Sailor Moon might be. They’re bringing us back in easy though, hopefully it’ll pick up next episode.

Episode Score: 2/5

Evil Plot Score: 2/5 (Apparently the Dark Kingdom should have just ordered their monsters to run about and steal energy, much more effective.)

Monster Score: 1/5 (Vampire is so laaaaame)

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