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2:3 – For Whom Is The White Rose? The Moonlight Knight Appears

Alternative Title: PISS. OFF. MOONLIGHT. KNIGHT.

First Aired: 20th March 1993

3-19

Makoto’s childhood friend Shinozaki-kun gets injured while saving her from the aliens’ latest monster, and she donates her delicious blood, leaving her rather anaemic. With Sailor Moon unable to effectively fight off the monster when they meet again, and Sailor Jupiter still weakened, it’s only the appearance of a complete douche who looks exactly like Mamoru in pyjamas who calls himself the Moonlight Knight that turns the tides.

You’ve probably already clocked my feelings towards Moonlight Knight from the two times I’ve already insulted him in this blog entry this far (there will be more), but I don’t necessarily feel the same way about the rest of the episode.

Considering this is a Sailor Jupiter-heavy episode, I really should like this more, but, very much like Sailor Jupiter herself, it’s a little anemic.

Let’s do it.

While waiting for the train home, Usagi is trying to convince Ami to give her last minute coaching on a test they have on the following day. It’s really quite adorable to see her desperately smarming up to Ami, but she’s not having any of it, giving it the old Hermione treatment of “how will you learn!?”

"Remember, if you don't help us it means the death of your social life."

“Remember, if you don’t help us it means the death of your social life.”

Makoto at this point pugnaciously agrees with Ami, before it’s revealed that she too was hoping Ami would coach her. I knew there was a reason Usagi and Makoto hung out with Ami.

This touching scene of friendship (and Ami being unduly cruel to a pair of idiots) is rent by a horribly scream. I don’t mean it’s out of fear, or pain, the voice actor just sounds like an idiot. “Uuuuwaaaaahhh”, you know, that kind of scream.

To be fair, I'd probably scream like an idiot too if I saw this thing

To be fair, I’d probably scream like an idiot too if I saw this thing

Turns out some random guy is being attacked by a pink… lion-lady thing… Makoto rushes down to help and recognises super-random-dude as Shinozaki-kun, before the monster leaps at her instead.

DERP.

DERP.

Mr Random pushes Makoto out of danger but falls off an inconveniently steep drop onto a concrete pavement, all the while making that vomit-inducing scream. Then, big shock, they totally show him bleeding out of his head. This is rather rare for Sailor Moon, having such a mundane and thoroughly non-supernatural injury.

On the bright side, if he survives this he can live off the money he'll earn from suing whoever was supposed to put a railing there

On the bright side, if he survives this he can live off the money he’ll earn from suing whoever was supposed to put a railing there

The monster, I think its name is Falion, I can’t be sure since it’s only shouted it’s stupid name 10 or 11 so far, buggers off at this point, which is a smart move. Guerrilla tactics make sense when harvesting energy.

Makoto rides in the ambulance taking Shinozaki to hospital. The scene is entirely drenched in a red filter, giving the impression that it’s all taking place in a strip club in Amsterdam, or inside a giant well-equipped womb. This is a trick Martin Scorsese used in Goodfellas by the way.

"As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a Sailor Senshi"

“As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a Sailor Senshi”

It turns out the hospital is out of type O blood, and Makoto volunteers her own for Shinozaki. I think they must mean O negative, because O positive is still pretty common even in Asian countries… Either way, Makoto straps herself in. That’s so hot.

As it turns out, Felion is doing an admirable job, collecting a bunch of energy for the Doom Tree. We get a scene of Ali and En basking in the energy, next to the giant mushroom testicle that is the Doom Tree. Seeing these two together is growing on me, I like the banter between them, Ali’s frequent slips of the tongue where he admires women other than En.

Oh she's a withholder, definitely

Oh she’s a withholder, definitely. He’s in the dog house tonight

Also, the two have a proper full-on kiss, which I found rather touching for some strange reason.

Makoto is lying in hospital in a bed next to Shinozaki. Ami and Usagi offer to stay despite their test the next day, Ami because she knows the material so well anyway, and Usagi because no matter what she does she’ll fail.

Atta girl.

This is the closest Sailor Moon has gotten to a sex scene. Thus far.

This is the closest Sailor Moon has gotten to a sex scene. Thus far.

Ami asks who Shinozaki is to Makoto, who replies that he’s “someone special”. Oh yeah? How come we’ve never heard of him nor shall we ever hear from him ever again? How about that, huh?

This is followed by an exceedingly long, boring, melodramatic sequence set to a horrendous soppy depressing ballad of Makoto being jilted by “one of her boyfriends” (seriously, this girl is 14. How much experience could she have had?). Shinozaki is there to comfort her with an umbrella.

"You're such a good friend." "...Oh fuck you."

“You’re such a good friend, Shinozaki.”
“…like a friend you’d like to make out with?”

Yeeesh, painful sequence.

Usagi asks if they’re in love, which Makoto denies. “He’s far more precious to me than a lover,” which is an interesting sentiment to explore in a kid’s show. As I interpreted it, Shinozaki totally got Friend-Zoned by Makoto and is now trying to “be there for her” so that one day she might get drunk and let him touch her.

Ahem, that’s totally not autobiographical.

Usagi is a little confused by the ability to be friends with a boy without there being any sexual tension, but is inspired enough to go home and study for the exam.

Such a diligent student!

Such a diligent student!

I’M KIDDING, she draws up plans for how to bring back Mamoru’s memories using the power of her love.

And crayons. Oh dear.

Ok they're actually pretty good

Ok they’re actually pretty good

Usagi locates Mamoru on the street being hit-upon by En in human form (Natusmi), who invites him out to the disco. Even square Mamoru thinks this is weird.

Just at the height of his uncomfortability, Usagi interrupts. Mamoru looks immediately pleased to see her, bonus points for Usagi!

"Oh it's Usagi. Thank god, maybe they'll fight to the death over me."

“Oh it’s Usagi. Thank god, maybe they’ll fight to the death over me.”

Sadly, she follows this up by showing him her drawings of Princess Serenity and Endymion. They’re actually pretty good! I especially like her drawing of Queen Beryl looking all menacing.

"Grrr! I'm so evil!"

“Grrr! I’m so evil!” No seriously, this is amazing art

Naturally he runs away as soon as he has the chance, and Usagi is left there on the verge of tears at the thought that he might fall in love with Natusmi. Oh you sweet, dear, there’s zero chance of that happening.

It’s at this point that Ali in human form (Seijuro), begins hitting on Usagi with a bouquet of roses. Normally I would find this repugnant, and it is, but it’s also hilarious.

“I have some good news for you. Congratulations! I love you very much. Please accept my love. Our love is eternal like the universe. Now, let us sail beyond the stars.”

"Also I come with a free audiobook if you sign up using the code 'CompleteDoucheLord'"

“Also I come with 10% off if you sign up to my love using the code CompleteDoucheLord

Grade A comedy. What a douche.

Usagi almost seems tempted (slaps forehead repeatedly) but runs away blushing.

At the shrine, Rei has used her powers to identify the aura of Felion the pink-lion-lady thing, and the Sailor Senshi run out to battle. They run past a completely bemused and ordinary Usagi and have to yell at her to transform, which I found very amusing.

"Huh. Maybe our skirts are a little too short..."

“Huh. Maybe our skirts are a little too short…”

As the Senshi are running, Sailor Jupiter comes over all weak. It’s her anaemia from donated blood, of course, and Sailor Moon begs her to go home. It’s quite a sweet moment, but Sailor Jupiter refuses her, promising to “take it easy”. I don’t think Jupiter knows what that means.

"Take it easy like only smash something in the face only 4 or 5 times?"

“Take it easy like… only smash something in the face only 4 or 5 times?”

The actual battle with Falion is a bit of a let down. It pretty handily takes down all attacks thrown at it with an energy blast from its mouth (always accompanied with a “FALIOOOON.” Yeah, we get it.).

Sailor Moon is completely unequipped to deal with taking on Falion by herself (she’s shit at everything don’t forget), but is saved by…

"This thing I wear over my mouth is all soggy from my breath. It's gross."

“This thing I wear over my mouth is all soggy from my breath. It’s gross.”

Oh no. Oh no no no no NO. This guy is just not right. First of all, it’s blatantly Mamoru in a pseudo-Tuxedo Mask sort of role. Second of all, this guy is an even bigger douche than Seijuro, which is saying something. His clothes, his cheesy lines, his music, there’s nothing about this guy that’s remotely forgivable.

FALL, YOU PRETENTIOUS FUCK

FALL, YOU PRETENTIOUS FUCK

Falion has enough of his bullshit too, and moves to attack him, but Moonlight Knight sadly dodges and throws a stupid curved knife at the obvious glowing wheel of energy in the sky that is the basis of all Falion’s powers (hit the glowing weak point for extra damage) which knocks the monster out.

Then he buggers off, thankfully.

Except that the battle’s totally not done, he’s pissed off before finishing the job! Falion gets up and has Sailor Moon pinned to the floor, but not for long…

So hot

So hot

Sailor Jupiter gets up like the badass she is and kills the monster herself with a Supreme Thunder. At least she was cool at one moment in the episode.

This is her serious face. It's also the "someone cut off my nose" face

This is her serious face. It’s also the “someone cut off my nose” face

As Shinozaki is released from the hospital, Ami, Usagi and Makoto are perving from a bush. They start playing Heart Moving, which obviously I am very cross about because that piece of music is flawlessly beautiful and should not be sullied by a random boring guy like Shinozaki, but hey that’s just, like, my opinion man.

"Is that him!?" "No, no, it's sort of hard to tell, he looks so generic."

“Is that him!?”
“No, no, it’s sort of hard to tell, he looks so generic.”

Makoto decides not to go talk to him, prefering to watch over him from afar this time, just like he does for her. If this means he likes to watch her from bushes, than I think she’s well shot of him.

Finally, Usagi is at home at night, wondering if the Moonlight Knight actually be Endymion, when her romantic reveries are rudely interupted by Luna, holding a textbook, and reminded Usagi to STUDY.

One of her questions is "5 X 2 =", which I think is an appropriate level for her

One of her questions is “2 + 3 =” which I think is an appropriate level for her

I like that ending a lot.

All in all, a perfectly acceptable episode. Yes, the Shinozaki stuff was bad, and the Moonlight Knight stuff worse, but everything was on the mark, and I enjoyed the interactions between Usagi and Makoto.

Still, it came rather close to being a bad episode. The Aliens arc is only looking so-so at this point.

Episode Score: 3/5

Monster Score: 2/5 (Falion is soooo boring)

Number of Times Monster Shouted It’s Own Name: 15

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3 Comments »

  1. Moonlight Knight is so very, very pretentious. He’s so Tuxedo Kamen 1.5 (NOW WITH 20% MORE NARM!) that he just ends up making me laugh. He’s funnier in (ViZ) English, where Mamoru’s VA pours on the ardent, phony sap. Clearly we’re not supposed to take this guy seriously.

    Also, as much as Shinozaki (the ViZ dub refers to him as “Kenji,” though I have no idea where they got that name) leaves me neutrally grey, I like him a LOT better than Asanuma in the manga/Crystal. At least he’s seen making some overtly kind gestures towards Mako, as opposed to the creepy little stalker who looks like she could fold him up and dribble him liek a basketball.

    And he seems to not be particularly bothered about the friendzoning. Who would be, with a friend that awesome? She probably beat up the bullies for him on a regular basis.

    In hindsight, I feel like this should have been the episode where Mako got Supreme Thunder Dragon. The conflict and drama here feels much more justifiable than “monster of the week steps on her bento box”. Ah well, hindsight’s 20/20.

    • I agree on all those points, especially how Asanuma can eat rocks and go to hell. You did say that right…?

      But yeah her emotional growth was much more pronounced here, but I suppose we should be grateful that they gave us 2 Makoto-central episodes than just 1. Gift horses and all!

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