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2:10 – Steal Mamoru’s Kiss! En’s Snow White Strategy

Alternative Title: Sailor Senshi Make Awful Animal Dwarves

First Aired: 29th May 1993

13

Mamoru is putting on a play, but is in a wee bit of trouble when everyone in the production drops out. Enter the Sailor Senshi, who decide to offer their stage presence. Natsumi, the energy-sucking alien, also has designs for the production of Snow White they decide to put on, and uses it as an opportunity to get close to Mamoru.

And then a clown monster thankfully wrecks everything.

I’ve complained that  most of the Ali & En arc thus far has felt like filler, but of the generally enjoyable kind. This episode isn’t as enjoyable, and scrapes by, but there are some long scenes of a forced humour that really do feel aimless.

The episode starts off with a small scene of Luna stumbling across what appears to be Usagi studying English. She’s duly impressed, until, naturally, it’s shown that Usagi is asleep.

This might be the 4th or 5th time they've used this joke

This might be the 4th or 5th time they’ve used this joke. I’ll forgive it

There’s some slapstick, Usagi reveals that she was dreaming of food and not sex like Luna expected… none of this is hitting home. The jokes feel old and laboured, and the only thing the scene establishes is that Usagi is studying Snow White. A bit eye-rolling.

Over at Ali & En’s apartment, En is studying Snow White rapturously, and seems to have taken the whole “date rape” message of the story to heart, dreaming of being able to “take” Mamoru’s love. I think the makers may have confused “alien” with “sociopath.”

"I wonder if he'd look even more hot without his eyes?"

“I wonder if he’d look even more hot without his eyes?”

The next day, Usagi finds out from Rei and the rest of the girls that Mamoru is “in trouble”, which sort of sounds like he got knocked up. Apparently, Mamoru “has” to perform a  play at Juban Hall, but his friends who were supposed to be in it fought over the casting and left his ass.

She shows them all Mamoru's prayer board, which I'm fairly sure is, like, illegal or something

She shows them all Mamoru’s prayer board, which I’m fairly sure is, like, illegal or something

OK, first of all, they’re shitty friends. Second, he has to put on a play? There’s so much dismissive hand waving in this episode. People are just doing things to move forward a plot that someone somewhere vaguely though would be a good idea for a filler episode. There’s no framing, no narrative, no reason to be invested in this plot.

Oh well. They can’t all be hits.

The girls obviously take it upon themselves to butt into Mamoru’s play, with Rei suggesting Snow White, with no regards to his opinion, input, or what he was working on before.

And then we get a long-ass scene of the five girls furiously fighting over who should be the titular character of Snow White in a loop.

Rei thinks it should be her because she came up with the idea of Snow White. Usagi thinks her because she’s “cute” (that’s literally all she came up with).

"Also my best skill is being unconscious."

“Also my best skill is being unconscious.”

Makoto voices the opinion that it should be the girl with the biggest boobs (seriously), hence she being the obvious choice. She even puffs out her chest. I’m a little disappointed in her.

...She looks great though

…She looks great though. Look at that  outfit, she WORKIN’ it

Minako thinks she’s the best candidate for being “refined and elegant” and even Ami thinks it should be her, for the logical reason that she’s the most busy with studying and Snow White has no lines.

They all know she's full of shit. Ami wants to be a princess too

They all know she’s full of shit. Ami wants to be a princess too

Then it just going round and around. I get the point, but the scene comes off more annoying than comical.

Also, Naru and Umino are there. Where they came from, why they’re now in the play, who the fuck knows. This episode is so haphazard.

The madness finally comes to a close when Natsumi charges in (WHERE WHY HOW WHEN) offering a solution to the casting problem – drawing straws or, rather, drawing twisted paper string.

She just so happens to have a shed load of string with her. What are the odds. The strings have coloured tips hidden by Natsumi’s hand. A red tip means that you’re the Evil Witch Queen or whatever, a blue tip means that you’re a dwarf (personally I thought that was genetic) and a white tip designates you Snow White.

Already I see a problem with this, but we’ll see what happens.

"I see no way in which this could be rigged whatsoever."

“I see no way in which this could be rigged whatsoever.”

Usagi goes first, picking the red tipped string and the role of the Witch. Then everyone else picks a string and gets blue, leaving Natsumi with…

"Oh shit, the tampon's still up there."

“Oh shit, the tampon’s still up there.”

The white. Hrmmm… something rather funny has taken place me thinks. Usagi is too busy weeping to notice the subterfuge that has taken place, but the other girls are all quite suspicious…

As Natsumi walks off, she throws the blue tip of the string that she tore off before she unveiled her lot, and walks off thinking how clever she was and how stupid humans are.

Usagi maybe, but you ain’t a super spy Natsumi.

At the Doom Tree, En tries to convince Ali to join the play, as they’re still a dwarf short of the full regiment. He flatly refuses, since he can’t be the prince. He’s such a brat, it’s actually rather funny.

"And then I want chocolate pudding and a NAP."

“And then I want chocolate pudding and a NAP.”

Ali is rather vindictive today. He summons a stupid looking Cardian called Bipierrot and orders it to crash the play and steal all the energy – the following week. Why call it now? What’s it going to do for the 7 days, just hang out in his apartment drinking beer?

During rehearsals, Natsumi keeps insisting that they all practice the scene where the Prince awakens the Princess, i.e. where she gets to give Mamoru a big sloppy snog, but thankfully for Usagi’s nerves she keeps trying to grab Mamoru when he gets close and they never successfully manage a kiss.

"Don't feel afraid to roam with you hands. All in the pursuit of art, you understand."

“Don’t feel afraid to roam with you hands. All in the pursuit of art, you understand.”

Mamoru, all the while, looks like a complete fool with those sleeves.

I find Natsumi charmingly pathetic, but I’m really not invested in the chastity of Mamoru’s lips.

The other girls don’t feel the same way however. Makoto and Rei get their bitch on, asking why Natsumi keeps insisting on practising this one scene. Damn straight ladies. Makoto especially has her claws out, and I really like that.

After everyone else but the Senshi have left, Usagi vents a bit of frustration that she’s being cuckolded right before her very eyes. It’s quite impressive to watch her rip apart a towel, actually.

Yeah, this is more like it!

Yeah, this is more like it!

While all bitching about Natsumi (they’re so good at it), Minako lets slip that she got the part dishonestly – apparently Usagi still had no idea whatsoever, and she’s rather upset about it.

She’s ready then and there to go rip Natsumi a new asshole, but the other girls try to convince her that it would do no good, that they would just fight over the part anyway, and that they felt bad for Natsumi because she has no friends.

Seriously, she’s such a loser.

What seems like a moving moment about friendship and passion does not move Usagi one bit, and in fact she seems to convince the rest of the girls that they should go confront Natsumi.

"You're so sweet guys, but is that true friendship?"

“You’re so sweet guys, but is that true friendship?”

"FUCK THAT LET'S CUT THAT BITCH."

“FUCK THAT LET’S CUT THAT BITCH.”

That was pretty funny, I like this scene quite a bit.

The girls pass by the Hikawa Shrine on the way home and spot Natsumi going up to pray. Stalking her from a bush (that’s what they do best) they see her wish that the play is a success and feel moved to help fulfil that dream.

Of course, if they knew that her ambition was solely to steal a kiss from Mamoru, they probably wouldn’t be so agreeable.

In dress rehearsals, we find out that not only are there 6 dwarves, they’re also in animal costumes making ridiculous sounds as if they’re in a kindergarten play. It’s horrible.

Makes complete sense

Makes complete sense

No one is happy about this – apparently Umino is to blame for trying to make Snow White a little more appealing (or appalling).

Usagi’s Evil Queen is actually rather good… she’s committed to the role.

The night before the play, En can be found fully dressed up as Snow White in her room, snogging a fucking pillow.

As I said, total loser.

"Let's face it, this is not the freakiest thing you've caught me doing."

“Let’s face it, this is not the freakiest thing you’ve caught me doing.”

Ali comes in, but doesn’t seem that perturbed as he gets lost in a fantasy of playing the Prince and kissing Usagi. Seriously, these guys are just horrible people/aliens.

Gross.

That”s his boner face. Gross.

Finally it’s the play. Seriously, this episode has dragged its heels to get here. It feels more like a mediocre plot from Saved by the Bell than Sailor Moon.

As the curtains go up, it turns out that Bipierrot is wasting no time – it makes an entrance and immediately starts smashing the stage. I guess Ali ordered it to screw up the thing that En has spent literally hours preparing for.

This guy... really hates his girlfriend

This guy… really hates his girlfriend

Natsumi runs out on to the stage horrified, but the Cardian throws a massive red ball right in her face (sexy).

And then the Sailor Senshi arrive and make me even less interested in this episode. How does that work? Well, they all have weird dramatic stage entrances reminiscent of Kabuki theatre that feels so forced it’s unbelievable.

"HI! I'm here to nail jokes to the ground until they're dead."

“HI! I’m here to nail jokes to the ground until they’re dead.”

It becomes too self-aware as the Senshi all takes pains to talk about themselves in 3rd person, especially Sailor Mercury, who explicitly states that she gets the highest grades in the country.

Uh, DUH. People can totally check that out and figure out your identity you idiot.

"I'm Mizuno Ami! Er I mean Sailor Mercury, forget that first bit."

“I’m Mizuno Ami! Er I mean Sailor Mercury, forget that first bit.”

Also, Moonlight Knight turns up for a sec, and fuck that guy.

It's at this point the audience leaves

It’s at this point the audience leaves

Thankfully, after some uninspired theatrical lines from the Senshi, Sailor Moon finally kills Bipierrot off and the crowd goes wild, unaware that all this was unscripted.

I’m rolling my eyes.

The final scene is not so bad, however. En is seriously upset with Ali for sending a Cardian to wreck the play she worked so hard for, but like the emotionally abusive dipshit boyfriend he is, he just walks away uncaring.

I actually feel bad for her. This is a really messed up relationship

I actually feel bad for her. This is a really messed up relationship

Finally, he thinks wistfully to himself that he really wanted to play the Prince after all. That’s quite amusing.

"Dammit, she survived."

“Dammit, she survived.”

All in all, not such a good episode. Way too self-aware, the story was dull, the characters mostly irritating and the jokes never hitting home. On the bright side, we’re about to embark on the last 3 episodes of the Ali & En portion of Sailor Moon season 2, which are far more interesting.

 

Episode Score: 2/5 (I don’t hate this episode, but it ain’t good)

Monster Score: 2/5 (Sorry Bipierrot, you’re so boring)

Number of Dwarves: 0/7

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