2:11 – Be Careful After School! Usagi is a Target
Alternative Title: The Moral Is, Never Go to School
First Aired: 5th June 1993
Usagi falls prey to a rather vindictive Ms Haruna after she falls asleep at school, and is sentenced to work after school, along with an energy-deprived and insolent Natsumi. They take the opportunity to battle over the love of Mamoru – via a set of English questions. Meanwhile, Ali tries to set a Cardian off to collect energy, but it’s refusing to obey any of his orders, and begins to run amok.
Despite the fact that the art is sort of sucky in this episode (it’s the rubbish studio’s turn at the helm again), I actually like this episode. There’s definitely a suggestion by the end that the story is about to develop from next episode, so it’s not so obviously filler as the last couple have been.
There are also a couple of jokes in here that make me guffaw every time I watch them.
The episode immediately starts with Sailor Moon in battle, performing a Moon Princess Halation attack. I can’t help but feel as though they’re killing time a little, since this is definitely not a recommended way to start off.
The Cardian she kills never gets more screen time that it takes to wipe its ugly ass off the face of the planet, which is good, because she looks like she would suck.
The battle appears to have taken place just as the sun is coming up. Looks like Ali and En were banking on the Senshi being asleep at this God-awful hour, but alas, LOVE AND JUSTICE NEVER SLEEPS.
Except sometimes in class.
Usagi, Makoto and EVEN Ami are legging it to school, all having overslept as a result of battling until morning.
Usagi bursts into class, steps in a bucket and topples over a heavy metal cabinet onto herself. Nice way to make an entrance.
You might think that this would earn her a admonishment from Ms Haruna, but the teacher merely asks her to enter more quietly next time and to take her seat. Usagi’s bemusement is fantastic.
If your first thought is that she’s obviously finally getting laid, again, hold that thought.
In the next break at school, Ms Haruna takes a phone call from a “Kouichi”, who cancels their date that evening as he has to work.
See, that explains why she’s so nice. She’s getting ploughed. Lovely.
Alas, the knowledge that her date has been cancelled sends Haruna into parallaxes of fury. When she takes her home-class for an English lesson, she’s somewhat more… aggressive.
It’s rather amusing seeing Haruna speaking English as an example to her class – “Once upon a time, there was a pretty girl on the moon” – heeeey they actually didn’t butcher an English sentence for once, even if it made zero sense.
Usagi, with the timing and ability to read the mood of a coat hanger, decides that now is the time to sneak some lunch in. Not just a couple of crisps, and entire bloody bento box. Seriously. Alas, Haruna catches her (obviously) and sentences her to detention after school.
Haruna must be on predator-mode. She immediately turns on Natsumi to read the next English line in the textbook. Natsumi is so low on energy that she can’t be bothered with this shit, man, and starts speaking in an alien tongue instead.
For which she earns… an after school detention.
It’s sort of odd seeing the normally-irritating-beyond-all-belief Natsumi so meek for once.
Seijuro, her lover-posing-as-her-brother for reasons never explored (probably for the best), chews her out on the roof of the school. He’s rather worried that their identities as aliens will be exposed. What a pussy.
Seijuro decides it’s best to go suck some more energy out quick before Natsumi lets something else slip. Before Natsumi can pick out a Cardian for Seijuro, though, Usagi busts onto the roof to cheerfully drag Natsumi down to her detention.
Seriously, though, why is she so happy?
Seijuro mutters to himself as Usagi leaves like a complete pervert, “Ohhh she’s so adorable! I’LL MAKE HER MINE.” Chill, dude. Just… chill the fuck out for a second, yeah?
The detention consists of English problems. Haruna promises that she’ll be keeping an eye on the two of them, then immediately leaves to take another phone call from Kouichi. She’s the best teacher ever.
Still, if you had the option of watching some dumb kids or getting ass, you know what you’d pick. Haruna has her priorities straight.
And yes, Kouichi tells Haruna that, while he can’t make it later, he’s free to hang out right now because apparently Haruna’s self esteem is such that she’s willing to drop everything to be at this guy’s beck and call.
Usagi quickly decides that Haruna isn’t coming back and decides to run off in case she’s wrong. She plans to ambush Mamoru on his way home (I guess she just likes being poorly-treated and insulted by him. No woman on this show has an entirely healthy relationship with the opposite sex.)
Natsumi demands that Usagi give up on Mamoru, and the two of them get into an argument. Rather than just saying “screw you” and walking off, Usagi actually listens to a frankly ludicrously dull game that Natsumi suggests:
“Let’s see who can finish these questions first. The one who loses will give up on Mamoru.”
Oh dear LORD we’ll be here all night.
Let’s leave these two idiots with their ‘most dangerous of games’ and check up on Ali the alien (sounds so cute when you put it like that), who picks out a Cardian for himself to attack Tokyo.
It… doesn’t go well.
Amanju looks shit. A really shitty design. But I’m here to tell you that this Cardian is amazing. For one, she’s constantly yelling out “A MAAAAAN” wherever she goes, as if she’s hunting for a ploughing and isn’t afraid of hurting people to get some beef.
For another… well… Ali spots Mamoru walking home and orders Amanju to suck out that snooty dude’s energy and kill him, in the hope of securing Usagi’s affections.
Amanju does not do this.
“A MAAAAAAAAN”, she yells, before she jumps on Ali’s head and runs off.
His reaction is priceless.
A brief cut to the Doom Tree glowing slightly is enough to suggest that this Cardian isn’t merely tricksy, there’s something weird going down with the source of Ali and En’s powers.
The detention isn’t going so well either. Natsumi is running out of energy and can’t focus on the English problems, so she decides to suck Usagi’s energy for a snack instead, before just killing the poor girl.
Honestly, she and Ali think so much alike that they really could be… brother and sister…
Hrmmm… maybe their seemingly-stupid sibling cover is really indicative of something else…?
Meanwhile, Amanju is running around town. She smashes into Ami’s cram school (“A MAAAAAN. I NEED A MAAAN.”), sucks some energy and runs off again (with a soft little “A Man.”). She’s pretty good.
Ami alerts the others (but not Usagi for some reason) that a Cardian is on the loose.
Minako is using her communicator in a movie theatre, which is definitely against the Code of Conduct.
So, Natsumi, now En, has got to be better at stealing energy than English questions, right?
Nope. She keeps trying to sneak up on Usagi, but misses as she keeps moving around, to the point where she even topples over Usagi’s desk.
…pretty funny guys, I’m not going to lie.
If she has energy for this, DO YOUR BLOODY QUESTIONS.
En goes on one final attack and… Receives a pen up the nose for her trouble. That’s Usagi for ya.
Ali finally catches up to Amanju to give her another order, but she just keeps ignoring him and running away/ Ali’s frustration is amazing.
Amanju decides to go to the park (it’s always in a fucking park) and, surprise surprise, attacks Haruna on her date. THAT’ll teach you for abandoning your students!
Ali, realising that he looks like an idiot, tries to play it cool, yelling at Amanju “Okay, I don’t care from whom anymore. Just steal energy from humans!”
He just hasn’t got the rules, has he?
AMAZING. AMAZING. AMAZING.
Finally, the Sailor Senshi turn up, and still not realising that Amanju will always try and do the opposite of what you order it, smacks Ali around the head once more and runs off.
I love her, guys. Your man’s RIGHT HERE, AMANJU.
It’s finally turned dark. Usagi’s nearly finished her questions (seriously, she’s an idiot), and is feeling a little cocky. She offers to help Natsumi out, since she doesn’t look so good.
Natsumi, ever the opportunist, recalls the story of the tortoise and the hare, and asks Usagi to “close your eyes and don’t move for 10 seconds”
…what? Who would listen to a thing like-
Natsumi takes a bunch of energy from Usagi, but is interupted from killing her by-
Ah. Ali has chased my One True Love all the way to school. Let me explain to you Amanju’s thought process:
Run through school -> Run into room -> Run out 3rd floor window
Behind Usagi’s back, Ali and En have a brief telepathic conversation. I didn’t even know they could do this. Looks quite cool though. The two run off together.
Down in the quad, Amanju is trolling all of the Senshi by dodging every attack they fire off at her. Seriously, she’s a goddamn rockstar, and she smiles the whole way through.
I don’t even know why Mercury even tried Bubble Spray Freezing, of course it’s not going to work.
Amanju finally counter-attacks by… running furiously through the Senshi. It’s such shoddy thinking, such shoddy art, that you have to smile. I know that sounds weird.
Luna finally notices Usagi watching from the window and runs up to her, with a “WHY DON’T YOU STOP CHEERING AND TRANSFORM TOO?”
Because, Luna, she’s an idiot. You should know this by now.
Just as we think Sailor Moon is all ready to save the day, it turns out that En’s energy drain has had lasting effects. In short, they’re screwed.
As usual, Moonlight Knight turns up and says some bullshit which, remarkably, seems to reinvigorate Sailor Moon, enough to fire off a Moon Princess Halation.
Gosh I hate that guy.
Poor Amanju dies like any other Cardian, I’m afraid to report. She never did find her man.
Ali and En are worried at the Cardian’s behaviour, and Ali wonders if something is about to happen… DUN DUN DUUUN you’ll find out next time.
Usagi and Natsumi return to class to finish the questions (despite the fact that there’s a ruddy great hole in the class window), and the two finish dead at the same time.
What are the odds They decide to “let Mamoru decide for himself”, which is precisely what someone who wasn’t a megalomaniac psychopath would have said in the first place.
The episode ends, rather ominously, on the Doom Tree, glowing and making some rather peculiar sounds…
DUN DUN DUUU- oh wait I already did that.
Episode Score: 4/5 (It’s silly, it looks clunky, but I always have a lot of fun watching this episode)
Monster Score: 5/5 (“A MAAAAAAAN!”)
Number of “A Man”s Demanded by Amanju: 12