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3:15 – Seeking Friends! Chibi-Moon’s Actions

Alternative Title: Boys Are Just The Worst

First Aired: 20th August 1994

Usagi, Chibi-Usa and Mamoru surprised

Chibi-Usa reveals that Neo Queen Serenity has sent her back to the past to learn how to make friends and have valuable experiences. She tries to fulfil this by making terrible choices. Eventually, she becomes besotted with a tea ceremony master, who is, naturally, also the focus of Eugeal and her Daimohn bodyguard.

I really like this episode. I give Chibi-Usa a lot of grief for being frequently annoying, but I do like her as a character… in small doses. Here we have an extremely amusing episode in which Chibi-Usa is the sinned-against rather than the sinned.

I’m not sure there is anything more to this episode than pure entertainment, but gosh is it funny.

The only thing I don’t like about it is the title, which is essentially “This One Character Does Stuff.

The episode starts of with Chibi-Usa’s enormous face explaining that she’s come back to the 20th Century, as if that weren’t obvious. It’s rather amusing to see her acting all prim and proper, the real “Lady” she was always aspiring towards.

This will last about another 12 seconds, of course. Usagi drags everyone around her down to her level, most of all her daughter.

Everyone is a little shocked at this introduction at the Hikawa Shrine, apart from Usagi, who remains haughty about the fact that she wasn’t consulted before being stuck with her own future progeny.

Theyre calling bullshit on Chibi-Usas new attitude

They’re calling bullshit on Chibi-Usa’s new attitude

Chibi-Usa reveals a letter from Neo Queen Serenity, and it’s revealed that the person who most screwed-over Usagi is her future self. Talk about masochism. I can’t believe how royally evil Serenity is. Gotta love it.

Chibi-Usa passes the letter straight over to Minako, which I thought was a great diss to poor Usagi. Queen of the Future she may be, but Chibi-Usa isn’t going to give her shit.

That's her OWN LETTER. Well, sort of. Got this whole Doctor Who thing going on again

That’s her OWN LETTER. Well, sort of. Got this whole Doctor Who thing going on again

I absolutely love this scene. For one, any communication from Neo Queen Serenity is an illicit thrill – it’s a letter beyond our understanding of space time. It’s an item from the fucking future, you guys.

And it explains nothing, is completely obtuse, and is written like a child wrote it, entirely in Hiragana.

"It's also got snot all over it."

“It’s also got snot all over it.”

I loved the reaction shots of this, from Rei’s irritation at future-Usagi, to Luna muttering that they really are the same person after all.

I loved the talk about Hiragana most of all, with Ami commenting that she obviously tried to write some Kanji but just scribbled it out. This is sooooo haaaaarsh on poor Usagi.

When she’s Queen, she will undoubtedly have them all liquidated.

By the way, the girls are all fucking rocking their outfits today. Look at that 60’s dress on Makoto! The sailor get-up on Ami!

I love poor Usagi's embarrassment that she's still a fuck up in the future

I love poor Usagi’s embarrassment that she’s still a fuck up in the future

The final straw on the camel’s back for Usagi is when Chibi-Usa blithely comments that the Sailor Mars of the future had been telling her all sorts of stories about Usagi being stupid, at which point Usagi takes it out on the Rei of the past for her future crimes.

love all this time-bending stuff. Loved in the last series, love it now. We’re not going to get much more of it in Sailor Moon S, so soak it up while you can.

My favourite moment comes at the end of this amazing scene, where Minako notices a PS in the letter that directly calls on the Usagi of the past. This so surprises Usagi that she stops trying to strangle Rei…

That move is even banned in UFC. That's how seriously they fight

That move is even banned in UFC. That’s how seriously they fight

Studying while young was really important after all. Make sure you do it well.

The irony, the sheer hypocrisy of this line left me rolling on the floor laughing.

I love this shot

I love this shot

We do in fact get a glimpse of Small Lady and Neo Queen Serenity talking in the future about her trip to the past. Chibi-Usa thinks back to her mother’s words about learning how to make friends.

Well I suppose if you’ve kept your daughter sequestered away from normal people and only give her a magical floating ball and a cat to be friends with, this is kind of an important lesson.

Gotta love the illustrative lens they used. So shimmery

Gotta love the illustrative lens they used. So shimmery

This brief scene looks beautiful, by and by. They use a blurry lens to give it a real romantic, mystical, fantastical air, which is only fitting for the future Crystal Tokyo restored to its glory.

Neo Queen Serenity looks kinda… weird though. I suppose they tried to make her look wise. In the end she just looked… a little high?

"You must go back into the past and find me more talking pineapples. Man these mushrooms are hardcore."

“You must go back into the past and find me more talking pineapples. Man these mushrooms are hardcore.”

Chibi-Usa, back in the 20th Century, is hanging out in a park (THE SAME GODDAMN PARK), trying to make good on Neo Queen Serenity’s wishes. How the hell are you supposed to make friends anyway? I have, like, 2, and I have no idea how I became friends with them.

Social interactions are hard you guys, especially when your hobby is writing several thousand words a week on an early 1990s Japanese anime for little girls.

What was I talking about?

Oh yeah, Chibi-Usa making friends. We need to talk about this horrific incident. Oh boy oh boy.

While she’s standing around looking lost, a keychain comes bouncing towards her. Eagle-eyed viewers may recognise this as Shin-Chan, a legendary and legendarily-weird Japanese show about a vulgar 5 year old. I wonder why Sailor Moon would be referencing another anime…?

"I've got a baaaaad feeling about this."

“I’ve got a baaaaad feeling about this.”

The keychain belongs to A TOTAL BISHOUNEN. Look at this kid. He’s so shiny he’s gross, but apparently this look appeals to Chibi-Usa, who is instantly smitten with him.

Looks like she’s found her first “valuable encounter“, right?

This kid looks like he'll grow up to be that Wolf of Wall Street psychopath

This kid looks like he’ll grow up to be that Wolf of Wall Street psychopath

Chibi-Usa proffers the dropped keychain, hoping for the start of a beautiful romance aaaaand…

Turns out little boys are fucking stupid at the best of times. This one is no exception. He is Shin-Chan, talking in his stupid lazy voice and gyrating disturbingly.

Oh. Oh my god. No thanks. Take this as a sign, Chibi-Usa. Go gay.

Oh. Oh my god. No thanks. Take this as a sign, Chibi-Usa. Go gay.

Chibi-Usa’s reactions in this scene are what make it for me. Sure, they’re paying homage/taking the piss out of another anime with a bizarre boy, but her slowly degrading sanity is just perfect.

Even I feel like vomiting on this kid.

Chibi-Usa's reaction shots are amazing

Chibi-Usa’s reaction shots are amazing

The climax (chosen with a certain scientific accuracy, here) comes when the odd little boy choose to whip out his “last resort” for the poor ailing Chibi-Usa, which turns out to be…

NO.

NO.

…His fucking wang. Or his “little elephant” as he calls it.

Gross.

Gross.

Yes, this is deeply fucking disturbing, not in the least because this is actually a fairly seriously crime in real life, and countless women are attacked and humiliated by perverts. THAT BEING SAID it’s a little boy whose wang is probably about the sized of a newly-budded acorn, so I think it’s safe to find this is hilariously weird as it is.

I think it’s fair to say that her plan to make friends may be somewhat flawed.

Chibi-Usa feels down as she walks around town, before immediately perking up again when she sees another little… boy (???) in traditional clothing walking on he street. Proving that she’s about as respectful of personal space and not stalking people as her mother, Chibi-Usa follows him.

Did you learn NOTHING from Shin-Chan?

"This one looks normal enough, right?"

“This one looks normal enough, right?”

This episode is pretty darn attractive, now that I think about it. Seeing Chibi-Usa looking for Beautiful Bro 2, with nice detailing added for bikes, in a particularly Sailor Moon-ish water colour effect, is lovely.

Beautiful shot! Needless, but gorgeous. That's art

Beautiful shot! Needless, but gorgeous. That’s art

Chibi-Usa runs straight into Mamoru (WHAT ARE THE ODDS?) and squeals with delight. If she is so happy to see her past-father why didn’t she go find him as soon as she came back? Maybe she got sick of him in the future.

Chibi-Usa gets the usual lift up, while a distinctly grumpy takoyaki stall owner stares on. I loved that little detail, he looks seriously pissed off.

"I hope that's your daughter." "Not yet." "..." "..."

“I hope that’s your daughter.”
“Not yet.”
“…”

Things get sudden a little frosty when it’s revealed that Mamoru is actually on a date with Usagi, who has apparently not stopped resenting her daughter and her boyfriend hanging out. Ohhh this old Freudian chestnut, eh?

Now, I’m normally a little weirded-out by all this, but seeing Chibi-Usa slyly grasping Mamoru further and shouting “he’s MY Mamo-chan!” just to piss Usagi off is actually hilarious. And, yes, gross.

Well not much has changed… although Mamoru does manage to actually settle the argument for once as they all eat takoyaki in silent appreciation. I’m not a fan of the octopus balls myself, but to each their own.

Tsukinos eating Takoyaki

The fight immediately picks back up as both Chibi-Usa and Usagi try to romantically force-feed Mamoru, which ends in as much hilarity as you might think.

…Enter Haruka and Michiru in full kimono gear. Wow wow wow, they look even better than when they were dressed in festival yukatas. Why do they always turn up in an embarrassing situation?

Aren't you trying to save the world? Why are you pissing around in kimonos?

Aren’t you trying to save the world? Why are you pissing around in kimonos?

The Tsukino family (or their horrific semblance of one) get invited to “tea” by Michiru and Haruka, to which Mamoru begins to decline politely… but Usagi gets steam-rolls right over him and accepts without fully understanding what they are being invited to.

Oh dear oh dear oh dear… This isn’t the kind of tea she’s thinking of.

Mamoru: "Oh shiiiiiiiit."

Mamoru: “Oh shiiiiiiiit.”

Yeah, this is a Japanese tea ceremony. The long-ass kneeling kind. This is as far removed from Usagi’s comfort zone as it’s possible to get.

And it’s being hosted by the little boy (???) that Chibi-Usa stalked earlier! ODDS WHAT ARE THEY?

This is apparently Tamasaburo, the master of the famous Japanese tea style “Yaburakoji Burakoji”. May this ridiculous art style fade into obscurity like it deserves. Anyway, this is the most Japanese Sailor Moon has ever gotten. Normally its rather far removed from traditional Japanese lifestyle, with everything surrounding Usagi being rather Westernised.

So weird to see a Japanese room in Sailor Moon. The irony

So weird to see a Japanese room in Sailor Moon. The irony

From her look, to her house (very Western, no tatami mats, she sleeps on a bed) to the shops in her neighbourhood, even the English words that make up the Sailor Moon lexicon, everything is definitely Western. So it’s a little odd, and in fact rather welcome, to see all this.

MEANWHILE.

The Professor is conducting a tea ceremony of his own. This is getting very weird indeed, especially as it opens with his trademark chuckle and face hidden in shadows.

Aren't you trying to destroy the world? Why are you pissing about with tea ceremonies?

Aren’t you trying to destroy the world? Why are you pissing about with tea ceremonies?

He looks like he’s actually doing a fairly good job, but for what reason I have no idea.

It all goes to hell when our weird off-milk-skin-colour Professor downs the entire steaming bowl in one go. Naturally he burns the shit out of his throat, but even weirder than that is his reaction – he throws the bowl at the wall shouting “It’s too HOT, YOU IDIOT.

What a weird thing to say… sort of perfect for this dude though.

That colour is so awful on him... makes his skin colour look like off-milk

That colour is so awful on him… makes his skin colour look like off-milk

All this was apparently just for shits and giggles, as it gives the Professor the idea of ordering Eugeal to do something evil vaguely related to that thing he was just doing. This is truly excellent managerial skills, Professor. Way to micromanage.

Eugeal selects, obviously, the kid of indeterminable gender, as the Professor shoves a tea kettle into the Daimohn oven. This is probably one of the most tenuous themes even, but it’s so weird that it’s hilarious. At least they’re making fun of themselves.

"This is the dumbest theme I've ever heard of, but I'll do it to get out of this office. We don't even have a window."

“This is the dumbest theme I’ve ever heard of, but I’ll do it to get out of this office. We don’t even have a window.”

The other tea ceremony, meanwhile, is not going well. At least, for Usagi and Chibi-Usa. Their feet are not holding up in the kneeling position. And for good reason, it’s a stupid position to sit in. No offence, people who are oddly attached to that particular seating arrangement.

I hate feet at the best of times. When they're all gross and blood-infused, they're even worse

I hate feet at the best of times. When they’re all gross and blood-infused, they’re even worse

Chibi-Usa and Usagi continue to fight, as it becomes painfully obvious that neither of them should really be there. Nothing much of note happens in this entire scene, except that Usagi and Chibi-Usa fight furiously and quietly (and obviously). It’s all good humour though, very enjoyable.

Usagi's feet hurt from Chibi-Usa

Tama-whatever the hell his name is decides to make Chibi-Usa feel more relaxed by putting on a show, namely balancing tea ceremony crockery on a ladle. Well that’s… interesting. This kid is famous for this?

Usagi and Mamoru are, apparently, more confused than appreciative. I agree, guys.

I love this shot. One big happy family

I love this shot. One big happy family

Haruka is dead serious about the balancing act, revealing that it’s the weird little kid’s attempt to put them at ease by balancing a national treasure that costs 10 million yen on a stick. This kid is just dumb.

Usagi, horrified by this, does the one thing you really would not want someone who has dead feet to do, and tries to stop him. This is such a silly moment… I found it more painful than funny. it’s such an obvious joke to have them all diving for the cup after Usagi bangs into the kid.

The pay off of the three graceful adults in the room catching the bowl… only for the camera to pan down to show that they’re all standing on Usagi, is rather good.

Looks like the most epic high-five ever

Looks like the most epic high-five ever

I’ll point out that this is now the 2nd girlfriend on whose head Mamoru has now stood. Which is something I never thought I’d say.

What is WITH you Mamoru? You need to examine why you always end up standing on your girlfriends

What is WITH you Mamoru? You need to examine why you always end up standing on your girlfriends

The Tsukino family (I’m saying that Mamoru totally takes Usagi’s last name when he gets married, and damn straight too) then adjourn to somewhere a little more suitable to them, namely a cafe where Usagi can eat a big old parfait.

Chibi-Usa is, naturally, horrified at her mother’s behaviour. Get used to it kid, we live our lives in shame of our parents.

Chibi-Usa tells Usagi and Mamoru of her mission given to her by Neo Queen Serenity, to form friendships through “valuable encounters“. Usagi doesn’t half talk some shit in the future, does she?

I love how this scene looks, by the way.

Everything is drawn beautifully today

Everything is drawn beautifully today

The scene ends with Usagi and Chibi-Usa agreeing to put aside their squabbling, which is rather sweet. It’s also a little condescending on Mamoru’s part, who has to treat Usagi like an ill-tempered child… but then again she is an ill-tempered child, so…

I'm not getting a genuine vibe of wanting to be friends here

I’m not getting a genuine vibe of wanting to be friends here

Neither is this one

Neither is this one. Like mother like daughter

Usagi, wanting to help Chibi-Usa realise her ambitions of become friends with… Tama… um I never remember his name… the freaky alien balancing kid… anyway, Chibi-Usa is in a teensy kimono (so cute) and charging back to the tea ceremony.

The girls descend into ANOTHER squabble (they could fight for the Olympics), but they’re interrupted by a car screeching past… it’s only bloody Eugeal’s station wagon, isn’t it? Usagi realises that Eugeal must be after Weird Kid, and she, Chibi-Usa and Luna move to save him…

Except that while Chibi-Usa and Luna can run through a gap in the hedge, Usagi totally gets stuck. Luna’s expression is the most admonishing thing of all.

"YOU'RE A FUCKING PRINCESS STUCK IN A BUSH. I quit."

“YOU’RE A FUCKING PRINCESS STUCK IN A BUSH. I quit.”

This is so stupid and so funny, especially when a bird lands on Usagi’s butt and starts pecking, causing her to fall into ticklish laughter. Such a silly throwaway moment, but I love it.

This isn't even close to being the worst position she's ever been in

This isn’t even close to being the worst position she’s ever been in

SO! The fight begins. Eugeal displays the same subtly she did as in the previous episode, crashing her car through the Japanese garden and into a fence.

Eugeal’s surprised reaction of “Oh, did I hit something?” is perfect.

"It's hard to get insurance when you're job is evil henchman"

“It’s hard to get insurance when you’re job is evil henchman”

Equally good is the following exchange:

Can I help-

FIRE.

360 no-scope right to the head

360 no-scope right to the head

No messing around, Eugeal gets shit done and gets out. I love her.

As Chibi-Usa runs towards the scene, we get our first Chibi-Moon transformation sequence!

…or do we? She trips up and transforms on her back. It’s rather embarrassing. Furthermore, it’s clear from this moment that they do not plan to give Chibi-Moon her own proper transformation sequence like the other Senshi this season. Bit weird considering how much she’s in it.

Even Usagi has never done THIS

Even Usagi has never done THIS

She won’t get a proper reoccurring sequence until season 4. Poor Chibi-Moon.

RIGHT. So Chibi-Moon goes into defend the Pure Heart-less boy. This should be good. How long do you think she’ll last.

Sailor Chibi-Moon is giving it her all, giving the same schtick as Sailor Moon normally does, but Eugeal is so dismissive of her that she just calls the Daimohn out mid-sentence. It’s hilarious.

"Now they have me fighting kids. I better get a Christmas bonus for murdering a child."

“Now they have me fighting kids. I better get a Christmas bonus for murdering a child.”

The Daimohn that appears is the most tea-iest thing you’ve ever seen. It’s called Chagarma, and I like this one. She’s so expertly designed, with the traditional seating position & the pestle propped up on her head like her hair.

She's even got the matcha skin colour

She’s even got the matcha skin colour. Looks tasty!

Chibi-Moon is quickly subdued, but Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune enter with a World Shaking and Deep Submerge, which free her. Remember when these attacks would actually kill Daimohns? Well not today.

After Neptune announces the Pure Heart not to be a Talisman, Eugeal has had enough. She leaves huffily, telling Chagarma that she can do whatever the hell she wants, followed by an enigmatic “If it ends up THAT way, you can do THAT so do THAT.

I love Eugeal. Chagarma is not impressed.

"I've put life insurance on you, Chagarma, so die please."

“I’ve put life insurance on you, Chagarma, so die please.”

She’s even less impressed when she looks around to find that Uranus and Neptune have scarpered with the unconscious body, leaving only Chibi-Moon. Poor girl got totally abandoned by the other Senshi. So cruel.

Chibi-Moon isn’t deterred though, she pulls out another Pink Sugar Heart Attack… which once again doesn’t work. Eventually it sputters out a feeble ray, and Chibi-Moon slowly walks it towards the Daimohn, who was taking a tea break.

You have to be pretty lazy to get hit by a Pink Sugar Heart Attack. This is why you don't snack while you work

You have to be pretty lazy to get hit by a Pink Sugar Heart Attack. This is why you don’t snack while you work

That was pretty good, actually. Way to improvise! She’s not completely useless.

Speaking of completely useless, Usagi has finally fought her way through the thickets in time for the final attack. Better late than never I suppose?

The fight isn’t over, though, as Chagarma whacks Chibi-Moon over like a punk. Seriously, I don’t know why physical violence against this child is so amusing to me. I feel bad. But also amused. I’m sorry.

I laughed. That makes me a bad person, I know.

I laughed. That makes me a bad person, I know.

This is actually quite a funny fight, with Sailor Moon dodging hot matcha and Sailor Chibi-Moon coming with a fairly-useless-but-still-better-than-nothing Pink Sugar Heart Attack.

The two are eventually saved by Tuxedo Kamen (of course) who appears like a creepy neighbour over a fence to break Chagarma’s tea bowl. He looks ridiculous. Well, more so than usual.

This is actually a pretty good combo move...

This is actually a pretty good combo move…

This appearance has quite an odd effect on Chagarma, who is apparently out of moves, and resorts to her “ultimate way to truly entertain“.

What the hell is she talking about…?

Well apparently this is what you do when tea gets boring

Well apparently this is what you do when tea gets boring

OH MY. WOAH.

Tuxedo Kamen’s frantic “DO IT NOW, SAILOR MOON” and her own delayed reaction, after staring, of “….yeah.” is brilliant, even if it’s not entirely clear what any of this means.

"What's going on over this- ohh ok I saw nothing..."

“What’s going on over this- ohh ok I saw nothing…”

Either way Chagarma is annihilated before she can… er… entertain. Well, you learn something new about Japanese tea ceremonies every day.

SORTED.

I... sort of love this Daimohn. FAREWELL MY LOVE

I… sort of love this Daimohn. FAREWELL MY LOVE

Sailor Chibi-Moon shyly thanks Sailor Moon for helping her. which is all nice and that…

…and we cut over to Uranus and Neptune, who a) have not connected the dots betweem Chibi-Usa and Sailor Moon whatsoever and b) who are holding an awaking Tea Child… who sees Sailor Moon, and thinks she’s just awesome.

"I've got a baaaaad feeling about this."

“I’ve got a baaaaad feeling about this.”

Sometime later, Chibi-Usa is all decked up again to give the tea ceremony with Tea Face one more shot. She and Usagi are walking towards the place when they spot Haruka and Michiru, in kimonos again, hurriedly getting the fuck outta there.

What could have spooked them so bad? Are you getting a bad feeling about this? I LOVE the fact that even they lost their cool and ran the hell away from this.

Oh dear.

Uhhh bit weird this

Uhhh bit weird this

Oh dear oh dear.

I'm cool with cross-dressing. In fact, I prefer it. But this is... more than cross-dressing. This is really awkward

I’m cool with cross-dressing. In fact, I prefer it. But this is… more than cross-dressing. This is really awkward

He’s, uh, wearing a miniskirt. That’s totally cool, I mean, I’m glad he’s been able to identify with his love of Sailor Moon, just like we all have, but it is slightly… terrifying.

Usagi and Chibi-Usa feel the same way because they get the hell out, and the episode ends on silence as they run away. Ignoring the issue of stigmatising those in the middle of the gender spectrum for a cheap laugh… I still got a cheap laugh.

Let's end on this image for the road, burn it into your psyche

Let’s end on this image for the road, burn it into your psyche

Cross-dressing is fine by me, in fact I actively encourage it, but this is still funny, and I enjoy the message for Chibi-Usa, that no matter how good-looking boys are, they are all weird as shit.

I’s still prefer Sailor Tea Boy to Shin-Chan any day.

A good episode, Very amusing, well drawn, nice distraction. A couple moments of sweetness even. Solid middle of the road effort.


NEXT TIME: Sailor Jupiter gets martial arts training as the show turns into an early Jackie Chan film. All Makoto episodes are good!

Final Score: 3/5

Monster Score: 4/5 (She really pulled out the freaky in the end, there. I’m still not entirely sure what she was about to do, only that it was kinky as hell.)

Final Thought: Did Neo Queen Serenity send Chibi-Usa into the past just so that she could learn that all mean are lunatics? Because if that was the lesson, she’s on her way to learning it

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